. . . and you say “fine” as your eyes simultaneously fill up with tears.
And then they get that inquisitive, concerned, thoughtful look on their face and say “what's wrong?” and of course your instinct is to still say “nothing, I’m fine”
And really and truly you thought you were fine or at least holding it together until the moment they asked. And that’s when the flood comes - ya … that about sums it up for so many of us.
It is now February - February 2021 - last year we were beginning to not shake hands and use hand sanitizer a bit more regularly. We were taking our vitamin C and we were sure America was going to be okay. Because … we are America after all.
There are just a sliver of people who have not yet experienced a quarantine, social distance, masked up or drive by birthday. My birthday is March 26, I was one of the first to stumble into that weird and awkward hugless birthday dimension. But my tribe was kind, and generous, and celebratory.
I spent this weekend (yes I had a three day) taking long runs, reading my book, getting outside, and taking a deep dive into emotional oils, and really doing some work - and I may not be fine but at least I will have done the work to not burst into tears just because the coffee pot is empty, or the light turned red, or they were out of my favorite creamer at Safeway.
By no means is this written to have more people reach out and ask how I’m doing but written to acknowledge how many of us are walking around with our cups just on the brink of overflowing, and even with ALL of the courses, and workshops, and classes, and offerings from our friends and community of ways to bring our cup down so we aren’t overflowing, the natural state of being here for almost a year is overwhelming. I do have my good days, even great days compared to many, but I want to still acknowledge that we are still here. I wonder if the vaccine rollout as a way to reenter life is even scary for some, scary for a lot, how do we get children to reenter society when their adults aren’t really sure how to navigate it.
To sum it up, self-care is important, and being an empath can be overwhelming.
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